06-30-2013, 10:51 AM
hi konstantin.
cut out all the repetition and substitute other words or phrases.
be less obvious, be less literal, say one thing to mean something else. use some poetic devices such as alliteration, consonance etc. at present the poem is telling us you went up to a light you thought was good and it was bad. the reader needs more depth.
cut out all the repetition and substitute other words or phrases.
be less obvious, be less literal, say one thing to mean something else. use some poetic devices such as alliteration, consonance etc. at present the poem is telling us you went up to a light you thought was good and it was bad. the reader needs more depth.
(06-30-2013, 01:41 AM)konstantin27 Wrote: I walked a ladder up to the light
the light was shining and amazing
i walked the ladder up to this so wanted sight
and all the time up i was gazing
The ladder moaned under me but i didn't care
i knew that all this pain will be gone when im up there
the ladder pleaded me to stop
but i ignored its sad sob
I'm almost up, up there
taking my beautiful light
of happiness i'm grabbing my hair
and than i see its hellish fire and not my amazing sight