06-28-2013, 10:11 AM
(06-21-2013, 01:18 AM)TheLittleGuy Wrote: Once I went on a journeyI didnt get the line about "strength from my attorney" I think if you could delve a little more into this journey you once went on that it would be more understandable. I feel like you can use this as a great starting point to add depth to and build some solid imagery in. I really didnt take to the rhyming though, it was simple and sometimes choppy. I think some elements may be missing for the sake of the rhyme. work on it, and welcome.
But I haven't got enough strength from my attorney
So it is now over and done
And all I have left is fever but no fun.
I was happy a long time ago
In a place I did not know
And now I can no longer glow..
I'm standing here all lonely
Waiting for my train in agony
Many trains have passed
But I couldn't get on a train because I was harassed
By something vast..
I tried to regain my happiness very hard
But I end up stuck in a railway yard
And now I can only hope and pray
So perhaps I may have a good day
Because otherwise I will rot and decay

