06-27-2013, 04:24 PM
I love it, because I also hate being fat, and understand it's core theme, that we love eating fatty foods, but hate what they do to us after we eat them and begin loathing ourselves for doing so. I like the change through the poem, I think it flows well, and I can't seem to think of anything to change, even the redundancy of the second line to me seems necessary. "What a line!" you might perhaps consider removing, although it has sort of sardonic inflection to me to it. Anyway great read, I hope to see more of your stuff! 