06-21-2013, 02:06 AM
Hi,
I felt kind of lost the first time I read it, but with every time re-reading it, it became more clear and I really like the mood it creates.
I love how it describes a philosophical or emotional search in a physical way in the first half - especially like how the places go with the actions: waiting - fountain of youth, stumble -temple of chaos, kneel - alter of indulgence, found - temple of forgotten truth.
I don't really understand this line: "will always be more powerful than the darkness
but i conceal it with the sideways smile of a natural born killer"
As I understand it the narrator keeps the truth he has found at the temple to himself, concealed from the people who are still in the places of the first half of the poem - correct me if I'm wrong. But I still don't really understand what the two mentioned lines want to say. What darkness and why the smile of a "natural born killer"?
Overall I really like your poem, I don't think the sentences should be shorter (imho the slightly longer sentences are very fitting to the philosophical theme) and I really enjoy the images this creates in my head.
I felt kind of lost the first time I read it, but with every time re-reading it, it became more clear and I really like the mood it creates.
I love how it describes a philosophical or emotional search in a physical way in the first half - especially like how the places go with the actions: waiting - fountain of youth, stumble -temple of chaos, kneel - alter of indulgence, found - temple of forgotten truth.
I don't really understand this line: "will always be more powerful than the darkness
but i conceal it with the sideways smile of a natural born killer"
As I understand it the narrator keeps the truth he has found at the temple to himself, concealed from the people who are still in the places of the first half of the poem - correct me if I'm wrong. But I still don't really understand what the two mentioned lines want to say. What darkness and why the smile of a "natural born killer"?
Overall I really like your poem, I don't think the sentences should be shorter (imho the slightly longer sentences are very fitting to the philosophical theme) and I really enjoy the images this creates in my head.