06-20-2013, 04:27 PM
(06-15-2013, 11:08 PM)thislimeismine Wrote:The last stanza was to return to the first. I've changed around some things and added to it. Appreciate your feedback.(06-14-2013, 03:18 PM)R.C. KITCHENS Wrote: There are skeletonsI like the description, but am unsure of the direction. Does the last stanza return to the first? Maybe the second to last stanza should be fleshed out more.
ivory there color and pitted with time (their?)
Sun beating down upon,
The valor and lunacy of -
hallucinations pay no attention I don't get this line.
There are moments
They resemble delirium
Sky is spiraling round like coliseum pillars
Smells of wild blood and sweat infuse
No one yells aloud
Is there life in the lone place?
water; Is there a God?
Rows of wheat and lavender filled the green
bottom before, east of here
If there? or was it too an illusion
allegiences were taken and with those of high regard
all of them in fluent expression
seems only a short time ago the suds spewed
over the glass and laughter was coherent
Steps make trails and leave shadows to follow
Oh how I thirst
There once was an army of peasants with
swords and wooden shields,
spears fashioned from eucalyptus branch
scarlet there battle attire, ready to kill (their?)
the giants of men and there Gods
It was the end when those with burning lances
stride mightily on there horses (strode?)
Fire as a scourge, Blades as a whip to the flesh
If not for the storm we would all be dead
The fire on there lances burnt out and so there(their?)
blades were cast heavy
Horses weary and ready to stand stead(y?)
Escape was by foot and through Ares
If retreat was yet time to reclaim focus
and so to return to war
How I come to the end of soil and there unto sand
where ever I stare no man stand
It cannot be for truth, there be no end
if lost I have no idea what this means.
Miss Kiss and Bunx, Thanks for reading and opinions on the piece. greatly appreciated.

