seeing her

[billy]

break up some of the lines. when you come to a period start a new line and see what that looks like.
the last line doesn't make any sense. lines like;


Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.

give the reader very little.
show us how she was sublime and sensitive and sens....etc.

sublime as afternoon tea and a game of croquette.
as sensitive as peach hair
sensuous like bacon lube and satin panties...oops

but you get what i'm saying i hope. some words need to be suspended on or in an image.

She was charming and intriguing.
In the way she carried herself, She employed no girlish airs for she was not a girl.

She wore the wounds of broken passions. Old beyond her years her eyes where youthful but experienced

Delicate and gracious, she gifted us with a fleeting smile. Any man would be blessed to receive it.

Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
her hair, careless and lustrous ; complimented her playful rouged pouting lips.

She understood you just as you would like to be understood.
She had was modest, expected nothing of anyone.

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not finished yet any pointers?