Ligawan

[billy]

Your silence dries my throat
as we sit behind the car windows.
The only sound echoing in my ears
is the air blowing out
from your half-pressed lips. this line feels awkward

As my fingers fiddle the keys hanging
behind the steering wheel, would "in the ignition lock" work better
your eyes, like stillwater, "your stillwater eyes"
gaze at the tangerine sunset. nice line
as if you and the sun
have a secret
hidden beneath the horizon.

Angst fumes out of my half-baked sigh "sigh" this is repetitive.
until you turn to me
smiling and slipping your hands comma instead of and
into mine.

You tell me your secret
as our fingers entwine.

for me the last two lines add nothing to the poem.

all in all a good effort. a little telly but it's no biggy. i think it could be improved with a few more images. it reads well, has a good flow and doesn't grate on the senses.
thanks for the read

i know sigh has only been used once but the line;
is the air blowing out
from your half-pressed lips

feels too much like a sigh as well.