I want to be a poet
#6
(06-16-2013, 10:13 AM)bonevil Wrote:  I want to be a poet
I want to be read by millions
and understood by few
cliche
I want the voice of my ancestors to strengthen the hue
and without a clue
or a penny in my pocket
or a picture in my locket
or a drip from my faucet
I want to be a poet

I want to paint the town bluepaint the town is cliche
drown it in water to wash away the blood
for all the men in the mud that have been chewed to cud
its time for a new flower to bud
and i say to my brothers and sisters that
I want to be a poet

I feel like all of this is to simple for the sake of saving the rhyme scheme.

I want you to hold my handcliche
and stand for this fight and bathe in this light
and with our wings in flight and with no plightto many "ands"
or polite terminology or reverse physiology or physical biology
I want to follow this pathology
and understand my thoughts properly because
I want to be a poet

I want to make a statement about racism
is it a crime to be black?
no, it's a crime to look back
and blame a man i never knew for the things that happened to you
to say the white man kept you down
when i held my hand firmly to the ground
because racism is like the skewed perception
of a ticking bomb in the palm of an island
surrounded by hate that simply negates
situational awareness and scares us in to thinking we're the enemy
but envy you i do because if i were to blame you
that would make a racist; but I
want to be a poet

I dont know what happened it got strange going from wanting to be a poet with aspiration to wanting to make a statement about racism where it completely changes tune of the poem.

I want every girl and boy to know
that the cost of freedom is the power of reading
and greeting every human as your brother
and loving him like no other
because tomorrow he might be gone
and in the heart of this song and all that is wrong
has been created and debated but always evaded the real issue
that we misuse and deduce that this fuse of our economy is everlasting
but we should be fasting so that our next generation
isnt left unmasking that nightmare right there
to determine that this is one life and one knife never sharpened
and a dull blade makes for a poor slave
to the mind numbing number crunching realities of today because
I want to be a poet
I got a bit lost in the part above
I want you to read this in awe
and when i stand ten feet tallcliche
and look back on this moment
know that i as a showman
took the right number of bows
because without applause
it's like purpose without a cause
a cut without gauze
a cat without claws
a poet without a pen
a thought without an ounce of zen
or a sentence without a period to end
because
I am a poet
All in All, I think if you open up with some solid images or keep a train of thought that you might have a good poem. You just got to take this work youve started and build on it. It is full of cliches and a rhyming scheme that isnt consistent enough for it to maintain rhythm. I think if you work on it a bit it could read better and probably flow more consistently.
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Messages In This Thread
I want to be a poet - by bonevil - 06-16-2013, 10:13 AM
RE: I want to be a poet - by PoetryAndPhysics - 06-16-2013, 02:26 PM
RE: I want to be a poet - by bonevil - 06-16-2013, 11:30 PM
RE: I want to be a poet - by milo - 06-17-2013, 03:49 AM
RE: I want to be a poet - by wystan1000 - 06-17-2013, 08:11 AM
RE: I want to be a poet - by R.C. KITCHENS - 06-17-2013, 11:52 AM
RE: I want to be a poet - by Todd - 06-17-2013, 10:28 PM



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