06-09-2013, 08:08 AM
hi RC
first of all thanks for the two pieces of solid feedback before posting your poem.
i've only one piece of constructive feedback; in places it's a little wordy in lines 3, 4, and ten. they could be more concise.
i like how the poems leaves an impression simply because we know nothing of the killer or the corpse, though it feels like i should know. did you mean sprawled?
first of all thanks for the two pieces of solid feedback before posting your poem.
i've only one piece of constructive feedback; in places it's a little wordy in lines 3, 4, and ten. they could be more concise.
i like how the poems leaves an impression simply because we know nothing of the killer or the corpse, though it feels like i should know. did you mean sprawled?
(06-08-2013, 03:43 PM)R.C. KITCHENS Wrote: Inside the room there is a table
There is not a window in the room, only a door
One of the bodies is grotesquely cut along the face
There is a mark on the cheek that looks like a figure eight
only it lightly resembles one.
The second body is just there, scrawled in the floor.
A great roar liken to an industrial fan
causes the room to vibrate,
there is a box in the floor
It is metal
shiny and brilliant
The blood in the floor begins to cake a little
The box in the floor seems out of place