Flags

[bogpan]

I think it would be a better credit to Eliot if you left the lines you stole from him without quotation marks. I'm sure he did when he stole them.

Sorry but I do not understand your thought. Normal poetic technique required when using a foreign text it to indicate quoted as a reference - in this case, the poem East Coker.

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Leave these ships with the big
white sails that hardly are wobbling.
Leave this cry of the gulls full of
alarming Consider changing this to alarmed, and getting rid of one of the two enjambments surrounding it.
longing – let the lungs swallow the wind
coming.
Leave the eyes, let them travel beyond
the horizons –
falling leaves. I get the feeling you are comparing the horizons to falling leaves, but I'm not sure what that means.
And find that angle of the time – of not sure about 'the'
love
“Here and there does not
matter”* I would follow rowen's suggestion.
and that grief which hollows out the air
becomes the jump, I love these last two lines. Absolutely brilliant
becomes wing beat, maybe wings beating?
the water deep in the tank,
the entire while of moving unmovable.
Flags!

*T.S. Eliot

I really enjoyed you poem. After a couple of readings I got the picture of someone standing on a cliff overlooking the sea as they are remembering a loved one far, far away. You have some really beautiful imagery in there. The title/end line confuse me.

Thank you for reading. The image of man is very accurate and perhaps this image will give the explanation of the term. I will go over your notes on the use of "two enjambment"