05-29-2013, 12:00 AM
Behold, green to brown and green to gold! -- When colors are used like these I feel they should be symbolic. Soon, exposed, the stubble fields,
Leaves, underfoot, compress and mould, -- I would give a more clear detail. Autumn asserts, as summer yields. -- Most people know the seasons
Branches heavy with fruit galore, -- What kind of fruit?
Nuts to hasten the squirrel’s task, --- I would give a detail about a squirrel getting nuts
Garner them for the winter store! -- Ok the exclamation points make me think of whitman in his jubilation. When I think of a poem about autumn I expect something more depressing about old age. Press apples for the cider cask! -- This seems to be one of your better details your whole poem could be about making cider.
Creatures, prepare for frost and snow,
For days so short and nights so long, -- the "so" doesn't seem to be working Soon, flocks of birds migrating go,
Hail winter with their silent song. -I don't thnk there is a song if the air is silent.
So let’s wrap up and take a stroll,
Kick up the leaves along our way,
Let fall and winter take their toll, -- [/b] March onward to the buds of May! -- Not a bad little pun others might cringe at it though
Symbolism varies but most of the poems I've seen that deal with autumn are talking about old age. Spring is youth and winter is death. That being said your poem is not so bad. My suggestion is to read some poems about autumn... Most of the one's I've read are depressing.
Leaves, underfoot, compress and mould, -- I would give a more clear detail. Autumn asserts, as summer yields. -- Most people know the seasons
Branches heavy with fruit galore, -- What kind of fruit?
Nuts to hasten the squirrel’s task, --- I would give a detail about a squirrel getting nuts
Garner them for the winter store! -- Ok the exclamation points make me think of whitman in his jubilation. When I think of a poem about autumn I expect something more depressing about old age. Press apples for the cider cask! -- This seems to be one of your better details your whole poem could be about making cider.
Creatures, prepare for frost and snow,
For days so short and nights so long, -- the "so" doesn't seem to be working Soon, flocks of birds migrating go,
Hail winter with their silent song. -I don't thnk there is a song if the air is silent.
So let’s wrap up and take a stroll,
Kick up the leaves along our way,
Let fall and winter take their toll, -- [/b] March onward to the buds of May! -- Not a bad little pun others might cringe at it though
Symbolism varies but most of the poems I've seen that deal with autumn are talking about old age. Spring is youth and winter is death. That being said your poem is not so bad. My suggestion is to read some poems about autumn... Most of the one's I've read are depressing.