05-27-2013, 02:56 AM
Hi untitled,
If your username wasn't the same as the poem I would just assume you hadn't settled on a title, but since it is I am assuming a theme (that might not exist :p )-- in any event feel free to ignore me and welcome to the forum.
I see a progression in this and while I can definitely feel an anonymous pilgrimage happening, I also think that rather than skimming the surface, you could dig a little deeper without losing the sage-like feel of the poem. Sometimes I am guilty of omitting pieces of the puzzle because my mind can recreate those pieces while the reader's cannot-- I feel that is happening here but ofc I could be wrong.
I do like the word choices mostly, but don't like the twisted grammar of the last lines (fear not just doesn't do it for me
).
Anyway, just my thoughts-- thanks for sharing
If your username wasn't the same as the poem I would just assume you hadn't settled on a title, but since it is I am assuming a theme (that might not exist :p )-- in any event feel free to ignore me and welcome to the forum.
I see a progression in this and while I can definitely feel an anonymous pilgrimage happening, I also think that rather than skimming the surface, you could dig a little deeper without losing the sage-like feel of the poem. Sometimes I am guilty of omitting pieces of the puzzle because my mind can recreate those pieces while the reader's cannot-- I feel that is happening here but ofc I could be wrong.
I do like the word choices mostly, but don't like the twisted grammar of the last lines (fear not just doesn't do it for me
).Anyway, just my thoughts-- thanks for sharing