05-26-2013, 09:35 PM
This poem would make more impact and I might be able to draw more meaning if it had a title.
I am really struggling to connect the words of each stanza to make anything meaningful.
Taken on their own and placed together as a single unit I think the last lines of each stanza would stand up to better scrutiny as a poem.
Sorry if this seems a little harsh. JMHO
AJ
My apologies. I just noticed you are new to the site.
Sorry I did not offer you a proper welcome and also the above is a bit harsh a first crit. I had not noticed that you call tag and the poem are both untitled, I just took this as the poem. My crit would probably have been the same....but perhaps with a bit more fluffy edges.
So here's a belated welcome to the site
I am really struggling to connect the words of each stanza to make anything meaningful.
Taken on their own and placed together as a single unit I think the last lines of each stanza would stand up to better scrutiny as a poem.
Sorry if this seems a little harsh. JMHO
AJ
My apologies. I just noticed you are new to the site.
Sorry I did not offer you a proper welcome and also the above is a bit harsh a first crit. I had not noticed that you call tag and the poem are both untitled, I just took this as the poem. My crit would probably have been the same....but perhaps with a bit more fluffy edges.
So here's a belated welcome to the site