Brain Game

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Brain Game.

Of all that makes us what we are,
Engine of past and future gain, This line really doesn't read right
Our greatest gift, our brightest star, Is 'greatest gift' and 'brightest star' the best description you can come up with?
Man’s unknowable, knowing brain. This line is alright, but the oxymoron seems awkward

Countless billions of pathways bear, Take away the comma
Our deepest and most fleeting thoughts,
All that it means to be aware
Lies trapped within its daily plots.

Yet, deep within its function hides,
A subtle and inhuman trait,
A reptile reflex that provides
The core determinant of fate. Not a bad stanza but it's comprised mainly of words which just sound fancy. Less is more, you know

Each of us thinks that we decide,
By considered thought, our best plan,
Not knowing that we have just relied
On the reptile urge of the inner man.Call me stupid, but I never knew we had reptile urges. It doesn't immediately mean something to the reader. I just have visions of me running around like a newt.

Here is the mark of reptile lust Reptile, again
That all about us is danger,
Self-protect and never trust,
Anyone who is a stranger. We know not to trust strangers. Find something else.

Search deep within our history book, add an s
With an unblinking, reptile eye, REPTILE
See fellow men with jaundiced look, add an s
Common humanity deny.

We all must summon our left brain,
Our reptile impulse to resist, ...again
Rationalise and then restrain,
Persuade the right brain to desist.

Let our power of logic reveal,
Our world and mankind as they are,
Lay the ground for our souls to heal,
Let tolerance be our guiding star. So your poem isn't about reptiles, it's about tolerance right? It's about people being better to each other? It's very unclear.

The poem feels to me like a mass of different ideas all merged together into one. Is it about tolerance, or something else? Pick one and really focus on it. Think of events around it, of how people are now and how people should be, and write about that. Get rid of the rhyming scheme, as your overuse of 'fancy' words makes it sluggish and have no flow, meaning the rhyme is useless.

This is all my opinion though and I'm sure some will disagree, but happy editing