05-23-2013, 10:04 AM
Hi Ryan_w_r,
This is good stuff, I really enjoyed reading it just now, so I read it again. You've a very individual style going on there, and it flows really well. I imagine that the way I read it would be the way that you would say it, so to be able to convey that in just words is very good.
The other thing I noticed is that you've kind of broke a couple of poetry rules and still made it work, for example in these lines here :
This horrific sight made me ask myself “how could I do this monstrous act?”
Then I realize that in fact, this is just that, an act.
For an act is a part of a play, a play in which I am a part of.
And in this play, this disgustingly beautiful play.
I am the playwright, the star, and the critic,
all this repetition shouldn't really work but said at the right pace you get away with it and it sounds good, but it looks mad written down.
There is a couple of spelling mistakes here and there but nothing too serious, like "lighting" did you mean "lightening" and "Just then I hear a faint voice" and did you intentionally miss the Z out of "CRAZY" coz I can see how it would work both ways, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the read man, I really enjoyed it and I like the fluency of the style you've got, much appreciated.
AR
This is good stuff, I really enjoyed reading it just now, so I read it again. You've a very individual style going on there, and it flows really well. I imagine that the way I read it would be the way that you would say it, so to be able to convey that in just words is very good.
The other thing I noticed is that you've kind of broke a couple of poetry rules and still made it work, for example in these lines here :
This horrific sight made me ask myself “how could I do this monstrous act?”
Then I realize that in fact, this is just that, an act.
For an act is a part of a play, a play in which I am a part of.
And in this play, this disgustingly beautiful play.
I am the playwright, the star, and the critic,
all this repetition shouldn't really work but said at the right pace you get away with it and it sounds good, but it looks mad written down.
There is a couple of spelling mistakes here and there but nothing too serious, like "lighting" did you mean "lightening" and "Just then I hear a faint voice" and did you intentionally miss the Z out of "CRAZY" coz I can see how it would work both ways, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the read man, I really enjoyed it and I like the fluency of the style you've got, much appreciated.
AR
wae aye man ye radgie