05-19-2013, 11:07 PM
Hi GDavid,
This poem is very catchy, and through your sped up rhythm on some lines (ie., springtime in my thoughts, as he trots instead of walks) you were successful in giving the sense of Spring. It's very upbeat, and I enjoy the affect overall. My nit pick is with a blowin' and the repetitive dropping of g's replaced by apostrophes. To me this lost the feel of what would otherwise be an enjoyable contemporary poem.
Best regards, j
This poem is very catchy, and through your sped up rhythm on some lines (ie., springtime in my thoughts, as he trots instead of walks) you were successful in giving the sense of Spring. It's very upbeat, and I enjoy the affect overall. My nit pick is with a blowin' and the repetitive dropping of g's replaced by apostrophes. To me this lost the feel of what would otherwise be an enjoyable contemporary poem.
Best regards, j
(05-19-2013, 10:54 PM)GDavid Wrote: That March wind a blowin'
Causes this cowboy to grow cold.
But in the air is a feelin'
Something special is on hold.
My old Paint seems younger
as he trots instead of walks.
It kinda gives a hunger
For the spring time in my thoughts.
A time when all of nature
Is bustin' into view.
Like a brand new mother
Showin' all what's new.
We made it through the Winter,
And that gives us pride.
The Paint and I both know
It's great to be alive.

