05-17-2013, 09:14 AM
You tell the story well - I suppose it might be in all sorts of places, but I see you live in Morocco, and it fit v well. However, that made me cheat a little, as I naturally painted the mendicant in a black outfit, surrounding her with earthy colours, and colours of all kinds. Although in many ways it is v visual, it is visual without colour -- I do not think you give the reader a single colour word.
On the other hand, you have done a fine job on noise -mumbles, chattering, screaming and so on. I think you could make it more taut, but the wit accompanying the sad cameo is good. And we are on the Mild Critique thingy......
On the other hand, you have done a fine job on noise -mumbles, chattering, screaming and so on. I think you could make it more taut, but the wit accompanying the sad cameo is good. And we are on the Mild Critique thingy......