Tangled Trees

[Volaticus]

Tangled Trees

I remember when you used to smile.
Blue skies, fluffy clouds and that spark in your eyes.
Sunlight and happiness and not a care in the world.
Laughing and dancing through a beautiful life.


I remember when you used to surprise.
Bustling through life like we had no time.
Cities and buildings, flashes of light.
Running and leaping around the world.


Used to

Used to, used to, used to.

I remember when you used to make me cry.
I definitely remember that spark in your eyes.
Dark clouds and thunder and blood on the trees.
Sadness and regret and pitiful pleads.

I remember.

Hi Lollipop,
The thing I noticed about your poem, is the lack of original turns of phrase. I'd probably say that a lot of it is cliche, and has been said many times before. An example: 'Blue skies, fluffy clouds and that spark in your eyes'. I get the sentiment, but for me as a reader to keep interest, the words need to be striking and original. Those are not I'm afraid. I really loved the 'blood on the trees' part, that was an interesting image. All is of course JMHO, to take with a grain of salt, as I am in no way an expert.
-LB