05-15-2013, 05:01 AM
Oh, thank god you're back, we just didn't know what to do with ourselves for all that time! 
Seriously, it's good to see you.
The second stanza is by far the strongest. The images are powerful and the heat is almost tangible. I worry a little about "claiming the blazing heat with them" -- I kind of think it should either be "taking the blazing heat with them" or just "claiming the blazing heat".
The first stanza is quite pretty but doesn't say a huge amount -- I'd like to see a bit more of a juxtaposition between the fences and whatever happens to be thrown against them.
The last stanza... nice idea, but oh! that cliche makes me cringe!
I tend to think that S2 could be built upon with a couple more stanzas to create a more substantial mood. It's a good start but it's not quite a complete poem yet.
Still, at least you're here
Seriously, it's good to see you.The second stanza is by far the strongest. The images are powerful and the heat is almost tangible. I worry a little about "claiming the blazing heat with them" -- I kind of think it should either be "taking the blazing heat with them" or just "claiming the blazing heat".
The first stanza is quite pretty but doesn't say a huge amount -- I'd like to see a bit more of a juxtaposition between the fences and whatever happens to be thrown against them.
The last stanza... nice idea, but oh! that cliche makes me cringe!
I tend to think that S2 could be built upon with a couple more stanzas to create a more substantial mood. It's a good start but it's not quite a complete poem yet.
Still, at least you're here
It could be worse