05-15-2013, 04:51 AM
I've disappeared for a few weeks because I've been ill and tackling a load of exams, I'll be back to spamming the forums with my terrible critique in the next few days 
I'd like a little critique in terms of what direction to go with this, thankyou
The Halcyon Days
Fading flickers of a velvet aureate cage,
thrown carelessly
against immaculate garden fences.
They will set, claiming the blazing heat with them.
Summer's babes dance on the tarmac,
their unsullied dresses hiding grazed knees.
Innocent laughs flow as they race
their joy, only purity in their hearts -
carefree thinking worth it's weight in gold.
I'd like a little critique in terms of what direction to go with this, thankyou
The Halcyon Days
Fading flickers of a velvet aureate cage,
thrown carelessly
against immaculate garden fences.
They will set, claiming the blazing heat with them.
Summer's babes dance on the tarmac,
their unsullied dresses hiding grazed knees.
Innocent laughs flow as they race
their joy, only purity in their hearts -
carefree thinking worth it's weight in gold.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)