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[Zerric]

the sex is evident

it all alludes to having sex. lots of the phrasing is common, watch out for repetition (chains)
be subtle but make sure the subtlety is understood. the mountain peaks shudder isn't subtle. good sex poetry is extremely hard to do, so many have gone before. we can still create original and meaningful images though.
i stabbed her like a pin in pomegranate.
the use and many varied meanings of flower is abundant in sexual poetry. what are red satin chains, a period? virginity?
forest is another well used word as is throbbing, as soon as i see the word throbbing i think of hard penis or headache, or both.

Well i was actually going for her thong when i said red satin chains, but i like your image of virginity too and uh...u just read my other poem, the one about the guy who's being chased...i didn't use throbbing here mostly because I try not to link sexual imagery to the male reproductive parts...i mean...i don't mind seeing mine...but i don't like imagining em generally.

i actually thought people would understand this...but then i got the 'princess in a tower' response...i was like "wow...i've failed pretty badly"

I mite retry this poem tho...


and..
I stabbed her like a pin in pomegranate?
thats like a sperm and an egg cell...