05-13-2013, 02:30 AM
Your first poem was very free flowing, and now they seem almost more condensed than they need to be. Not really condensed, but they have a difficult flow, kind of stiff. But you seem to be getting closer to some kind of balance. And what I'm calling stiff sounding isn't necessarily a bad thing. Whatever is it is, kind of stiff or not, it's on the verge of working for you. And it's getting the subject matter to fit, and what's being said to come off better. You can still struggle more with it if you want.