Today is the day
#4
(05-12-2013, 12:49 AM)albino-rino-5000 Wrote:  He wakes up and stares at the ceiling
He doesn't care anymore
His life is simple and grueling
Go to school, go to work
Deal with friends, deal with life

There is no reason today
No reason to live
No reason to care
Why should he get out of bed?
Because today is the day

Today is the day he will do nothing
Today is the day he doesn't care
Today he will go about his life once again
For no reason

The same routine day after day
Until death decides to save him
I like the rhythm in your poem, and I think that you have chosen a nice theme. It's lacking depth though. It seemed rather flat to me. I think the thing I miss the most in this poem, is some imagery. You have an image in the first line, but I think that's it.
Why is his life 'simple and grueling'? I don't know much about the narrator. Some more in depth, imagery descriptions of who he is and what has lead him to feel so lost, could perhaps help the poem pull in the reader more. And of course, this is jmho. I hope this was of any help.
LB
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Today is the day - by albino-rino-5000 - 05-12-2013, 12:49 AM
RE: Today is the day - by KICKBACK - 05-12-2013, 04:17 AM
RE: Today is the day - by Heartafire - 05-12-2013, 04:30 AM
RE: Today is the day - by Volaticus - 05-12-2013, 08:14 AM
RE: Today is the day - by qwerty_H - 05-13-2013, 06:09 AM
RE: Today is the day - by Sam33lynn - 05-14-2013, 12:50 PM
RE: Today is the day - by GDavid - 05-15-2013, 05:18 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!