05-11-2013, 11:58 AM
Hi Labyrinth,
This made me laugh, but that's because I know exactly what your talking about. I didn't actually notice the title till the end. I must which word came first in the rhyme of blunt and cunt that you had to think of the other word. I'm not sure how many people will get this, I might be wrong though. Actually as regards metre and tempo it flows reasonably well apart from second last line where I would put "a coma".
I can see how it would work as lyrics for a song, in fact I wouldn't mind hearing the song, I'm a guitarist myself.
I think as a poem it would benefit possibly from some punctuation, which would help control it and it would flow better.
I'm so glad that I got to read this one first, and I can't wait to see what other peoples reaction is gonna be. As I said it does feel more like a song, but I look forward to reading some more stuff at some point. Also it would be interesting if you changed the title to see what happened, because it does make it obvious what it's about. You could of posted this in the poetry for fun forum also. Is aaaalll toons about the ganj like? Jah Rastafari... I and I is happy.
Thanks
This made me laugh, but that's because I know exactly what your talking about. I didn't actually notice the title till the end. I must which word came first in the rhyme of blunt and cunt that you had to think of the other word. I'm not sure how many people will get this, I might be wrong though. Actually as regards metre and tempo it flows reasonably well apart from second last line where I would put "a coma".
I can see how it would work as lyrics for a song, in fact I wouldn't mind hearing the song, I'm a guitarist myself.
I think as a poem it would benefit possibly from some punctuation, which would help control it and it would flow better.
I'm so glad that I got to read this one first, and I can't wait to see what other peoples reaction is gonna be. As I said it does feel more like a song, but I look forward to reading some more stuff at some point. Also it would be interesting if you changed the title to see what happened, because it does make it obvious what it's about. You could of posted this in the poetry for fun forum also. Is aaaalll toons about the ganj like? Jah Rastafari... I and I is happy.
Thanks
wae aye man ye radgie