05-09-2013, 08:17 AM
Hi Sam33lynn,
This was powerful stuff, your first poem on here I see.
Right from the start I felt sucked into this whirlwind of a poem, I like the style of your writing, it is very engaging and inclusive and I was compelled to keep on reading. I like the passion in this and some lines were excellent such as, "and atop her head, a proportionate white bow holds up society’s desire." very good image. Also the line "Where birch trees guard the sidewalk from speeding cars," I like for it's particular detail of "birch trees" whereas many would of just said trees.
So many other good images which I haven't got room to mention them all, but stanza three is one that stands out as very powerful.
I agree with the previous comment that stanza two seems to get a bit tangled towards the end of it. But all in all good powerful stuff, that ends in a positive way. That was my fear as I was reading, that it would just be an angry rant that would consume itself but you avoided the "oh woe is me" self pity ending in a good way.
Good stuff, I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Thanks for the read.
AR
This was powerful stuff, your first poem on here I see.
Right from the start I felt sucked into this whirlwind of a poem, I like the style of your writing, it is very engaging and inclusive and I was compelled to keep on reading. I like the passion in this and some lines were excellent such as, "and atop her head, a proportionate white bow holds up society’s desire." very good image. Also the line "Where birch trees guard the sidewalk from speeding cars," I like for it's particular detail of "birch trees" whereas many would of just said trees.
So many other good images which I haven't got room to mention them all, but stanza three is one that stands out as very powerful.
I agree with the previous comment that stanza two seems to get a bit tangled towards the end of it. But all in all good powerful stuff, that ends in a positive way. That was my fear as I was reading, that it would just be an angry rant that would consume itself but you avoided the "oh woe is me" self pity ending in a good way.
Good stuff, I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Thanks for the read.
AR
wae aye man ye radgie