05-09-2013, 06:13 AM
Hi emmalou
You have the bones of good poem here and the topic is one worth keeping, but it has been covered many times so you must try and make things fresh, try to give some imagery as this brightens up any poem, Not much more to add to Fogglethorpe advice as all is good stuff, one point to note is that some of your lines repeat the same theme so these can be modified or cut eg lines 8 and 10 say the same thing. Hope this helps, you have a good start, I will keep an eye out for the edit. TOMH
You have the bones of good poem here and the topic is one worth keeping, but it has been covered many times so you must try and make things fresh, try to give some imagery as this brightens up any poem, Not much more to add to Fogglethorpe advice as all is good stuff, one point to note is that some of your lines repeat the same theme so these can be modified or cut eg lines 8 and 10 say the same thing. Hope this helps, you have a good start, I will keep an eye out for the edit. TOMH
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out