The Path I Could Have Walked

[Todd]

Hi Zerric,

A couple comments for you:

I don't think you need your first stanza at all. It's too static, all in the mind. The title gets you there I think.

I'm also not fond of the self-conscious lowercase i. It draws too much attention to itself.

And now the rose, to me, is blocked...

Should be, and now the rose is blocked to me. Better to lose the rhyme if you have to torture the syntax to accommodate it.

All that said, I like a lot of this, but it has issues that detract from my enjoyment.

Best,

Todd

As I traverse, the confines of my mind,
The crossroads of memories, and thoughts,
Through the darkness I'm surprised to find,
The Path I could have walked,

The way is lit, the route is shown,
The road: laid with bricks of gold,
And I would not have to walk alone,
As I did those lonely roads,

Parallel, they stretch, the road i chose,
And the road that i could've walked,
it seems i chose, the thorns, not the rose,
And now the rose, to me, is blocked...

Around the world, In the pouring rain,
And now I've come back home,
I'll subdue my grief and pain,
And walk the path that's mine alone.