05-03-2013, 12:44 PM
Hi fathima
the first think i notice is that the dark illuminated doesn'ty really lead anywhere but you can sort that out with a colon and a line space
The dark illuminated:
When I looked out my bedroom window
i'd have a look at making the 3rd line the 2nd and the 2nd the 3rd.
have you thought about adding a couple of images. at present you're telling us a story. show us the story. the poem is pretty enough but it could be a lot better,
the first think i notice is that the dark illuminated doesn'ty really lead anywhere but you can sort that out with a colon and a line space
The dark illuminated:
When I looked out my bedroom window
i'd have a look at making the 3rd line the 2nd and the 2nd the 3rd.
have you thought about adding a couple of images. at present you're telling us a story. show us the story. the poem is pretty enough but it could be a lot better,
(05-02-2013, 10:34 PM)Fathima Wrote: Just a working title.
The dark illuminated
When I looked out my bedroom window
She visited me late that night
While I counted sheep
We shared a good book
And a cup of sweet tea
She told me old stories
Of all she could see
About righteous hearts
Carrying light
And how they guided her
To shine just as bright
Honest opinions please. Thank you.
