05-01-2013, 09:53 AM
Hi Pilgrim,
Another good read, I also started thinking words like cliche right from the beginning but you managed to steer clear of them. The last five lines could possibly be written better, they don't quite fit in with the rest of the poem. Although saying this I do realise that it may be intentional to indicate the almost complete breakdown of the storyteller, but this could be done differently.
It's also very reminiscent of your first poem that you posted in it's style, the length of lines, and rhythm. It's obviously a style that you are comfortable with but I hope to see a few more different styles coming from you yet.
Thanks for the read and I look forward to number 3.
cheers.
Another good read, I also started thinking words like cliche right from the beginning but you managed to steer clear of them. The last five lines could possibly be written better, they don't quite fit in with the rest of the poem. Although saying this I do realise that it may be intentional to indicate the almost complete breakdown of the storyteller, but this could be done differently.
It's also very reminiscent of your first poem that you posted in it's style, the length of lines, and rhythm. It's obviously a style that you are comfortable with but I hope to see a few more different styles coming from you yet.
Thanks for the read and I look forward to number 3.
cheers.
wae aye man ye radgie