05-01-2013, 05:38 AM
The heightened language makes sense with the subject, but it doesn't come through too well.
Solomon! Speak your words
Of yesteryear’s wisdom
No more. We will scribe
and Sing the proverbs of our own,
Deferring to your honor no longer.
The seeds of Nature will now freely speak their own voice;
You will not humble their opinions or
Alter over the whole of creation no longer. The purity of
There's a double negative that might be smoothed out if you change or to and, if you want to keep the no.
That role, the wise ruler, will exalt in the
Hands of nature alone, not his person’s own.
The odd usage and wording in some parts kind of make sense if you think hard about them. But beneath it all, the message is very simple; which can either be a good or bad thing. Generally, I don't think it'll be very effective.
Solomon! Speak your words
Of yesteryear’s wisdom
No more. We will scribe
and Sing the proverbs of our own,
Deferring to your honor no longer.
The seeds of Nature will now freely speak their own voice;
You will not humble their opinions or
Alter over the whole of creation no longer. The purity of
There's a double negative that might be smoothed out if you change or to and, if you want to keep the no.
That role, the wise ruler, will exalt in the
Hands of nature alone, not his person’s own.
The odd usage and wording in some parts kind of make sense if you think hard about them. But beneath it all, the message is very simple; which can either be a good or bad thing. Generally, I don't think it'll be very effective.