04-24-2013, 08:58 PM
Hi, I like the idea of this poem and what you are trying to do. I am a bit confused at times by the words that are highlighted, but I presume that they are meant to be stressed, to convey possibly anger? If this is the case then towards the end of the poem where it gets really snappy I would of perhaps stressed the word peak where it used in four consecutive lines. But I do like that snappiness at the end.
Also the poem title is "Dear Mr. Prime Minister", and then the next mention is "Mr. Prime Minister" and I was kind of expecting the mention after that to have dropped the "Mr." and so forth till the end of the poem like you were stripping away the layers piece by piece.
It reminds me of a Allen Ginsberg poem called "America" which is well worth reading if you haven't already.
Hope this makes sense, I really think it could be a very good poem with a little work.
Keep writing.
Also the poem title is "Dear Mr. Prime Minister", and then the next mention is "Mr. Prime Minister" and I was kind of expecting the mention after that to have dropped the "Mr." and so forth till the end of the poem like you were stripping away the layers piece by piece.
It reminds me of a Allen Ginsberg poem called "America" which is well worth reading if you haven't already.
Hope this makes sense, I really think it could be a very good poem with a little work.
Keep writing.
wae aye man ye radgie