04-23-2013, 05:12 PM
I like this poem very much, from that excellent opening line. And the comparisons with the sea, fit well with the sometimes uneven length of lines, I'm not sure if this was intentional but there is a definite ebb and flow to the whole poem.
It reminds me in some ways of a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson called "Crossing the Bar" in which he uses uneven lines to convey the motion of the sea, it's well worth reading if you haven't already because it considered by many as a master class in using this technique.
My only criticism would be that it does seem to lose it's way towards the end, but that is in comparison with such a strong opening, also the word Society doesn't feel quite right, compared to the way the rest of the poem is worded. But now that I've said that it does make sense that, that particular word should be more harsh than the rest of the poem. Excellent.
It reminds me in some ways of a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson called "Crossing the Bar" in which he uses uneven lines to convey the motion of the sea, it's well worth reading if you haven't already because it considered by many as a master class in using this technique.
My only criticism would be that it does seem to lose it's way towards the end, but that is in comparison with such a strong opening, also the word Society doesn't feel quite right, compared to the way the rest of the poem is worded. But now that I've said that it does make sense that, that particular word should be more harsh than the rest of the poem. Excellent.
wae aye man ye radgie