The Humble Lion

[billy]

hi jack
apart from the last line it was just nits. it carries some depth in it. more than one first sees. a few reads and the cruelty of man comes more to the fore of the poem. i enjoyed the sadness.

thanks for the read

Lying on his bed of blood
the humble lion melts into his death two painful lines, i wonder if this would have been the stronger opening line,
like a slow, patient sunset. Humble, would humble work better on the next line?
then gone.

Primal machine switched on by some playful god,
it thrashed at man and man in his pomposity
branded it savage and pulled a trigger. i found this stanza to be poignant, it sort of sums up a lot of what men do and are.

Hemingway's in Heaven with animal pelts i think this is a great image of ernie, he was that kind of guy, he enjoyed the hunt.
lining his Elysium cot.
How much more poetic would his death have been
if a lion had ripped his fucking head off? this last line feels forced. i think it's the fucking, it doesn't sit well with what preceded it