04-21-2013, 06:33 AM
Hello,
so, on a positive, there are some interesting lines; but too random to be thought of as skillful. an infinite number of monkeys springs to mind... write something long enough and you'll say something eventually.
plus, when I read something and the best thing is a random quote by Jim Morrison, I worry the author isn't all too confident.
it lacks 'poetry'; just because you think something, and are possibly more articulate than others, doesn't make it poetic. As in the notion of 'conceptual art': i.e. art can be anything. No It Can't! art is art and poetry, poetry. It is a lesson learned that no one has any interest in what you think if what you think is cliche, or expressed poorly ("am I only dreaming? that is an interesting idea... oh wait, I am 8 and haven't a clue about anything!" that's how this poem sounds.)
I would suggest read more.
so, on a positive, there are some interesting lines; but too random to be thought of as skillful. an infinite number of monkeys springs to mind... write something long enough and you'll say something eventually.
plus, when I read something and the best thing is a random quote by Jim Morrison, I worry the author isn't all too confident.
it lacks 'poetry'; just because you think something, and are possibly more articulate than others, doesn't make it poetic. As in the notion of 'conceptual art': i.e. art can be anything. No It Can't! art is art and poetry, poetry. It is a lesson learned that no one has any interest in what you think if what you think is cliche, or expressed poorly ("am I only dreaming? that is an interesting idea... oh wait, I am 8 and haven't a clue about anything!" that's how this poem sounds.)
I would suggest read more.