(04-20-2013, 12:50 PM)chingachgook Wrote: logorrheaNo, sorry, I'm not thinking "Howl" at all. Ginsberg used his exceptional control of sonics and meter to create an aesthetic rant with purpose, tapping into the zeitgeist and speaking for pretty much an entire generation. This is mostly just "everything pisses me off and I've read lots of books". It is nothing to do with the length -- but really, poetry should only be as long as it takes to say what you need to. There are a few good ideas here but they're lost in a sea of "look how clever I am, look how many rules I'm breaking, look at me!"
“A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government.
It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote
themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on,
the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship.
The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations has been 200 years. Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to
dependence, from dependence back again to bondage.”
--Alexander Fraser Tytler (unverified)
-- this is a very long quote to use as a prelude to a poem and frankly, it's not a very good one. This has been said a million times, but far more succinctly.
I.
burnt out.
apathetic.
I quit writing good (any) poetry a long time ago, -- the comma is misplaced
the mere thought of fleshing one out, makes -- and so is this one
me vomit into my mouth.
miniscule amount, more like a 2 oz. reverse shot -- minuscule
of deep chest mucus landing just beyond the epiglottis -- quite an interesting image
then, voluntarily swallowing it back down----a snotrocket
that failed to launch. just 1 oz. shy of the required volume
for simple porcelain or street exploration.
take umbrage to the word "vomit"? pick one: -- this seems entirely irrelevant and quite belligerent on the part of the poet -- if I weren't doing a critique, I'd probably switch off about now as I resent being told what I'm thinking
upchuck, barf, hurl, Buick, it matters not;
I am not worried about individual ebb or flow, single or double
spaced lines, run-on sentences, rhyming, periods, commas, semicolons, grammar, punctuation, spelling, clever placement of the ambiguous "dot dot dot", "poem" poem syndrome, disappointed fans or rejection letters from starchy assholes posing as editors -- or, apparently, by readers who have high standards
(Thunder Sandwich never could write a lick).
yawn.
old hat.
(I am insignificant)
human beings are but a blip.
civilization is merely a hiccup.
the world is an empty oyster shell.
offended? -- why would this offend anyone?
don't believe me?
Google: "sensi pearl".
I don't give a shit.
I am retired. waiting for the worms, cirrhosis, the brown shirts,
box cars, the glue factory, the gas chamber or the clap.
(since I'm not edible)
perhaps, I'll get rendered into soap.
Greetings & Salutations:
would you like to turn my ass
into a a lampshade, Mein Fuehrer?
the next executive order, is in order.
your highness, the privilege
is all yours.
II.
"Plug The Damn Hole"
--Barack Hussein Obama II
SEMI-AWAKE!
tick tock.
out from under the rock.
the toad's last croak and testament:
I look around. I see modern art, culture, music, methods, meme,
madness and politics and I raise you zero.
nothing. nada. zip.
age, pussy, weed and money seems to have pacified eddie vedder.
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum...
Chappaquiddick karma finally seeped into Ted's brain.
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum...
charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber, meh, too easy. -- the inconsistent capitals are starting to really irritate by this point and just look like you haven't been bothered to proofread -- if that's a deliberate ploy, it seems utterly pointless
(too and to will never equal for) -- this is an amusing non sequitur, rather in keeping with the title
across the board, the lowest common denominator has been breached:
ipads. saggy pants. texting. sheeple. zombies. Demicans/Republicrats. reality tv. meth. globalists. "Occupy". Tea Parties. GREEN (anything). "The Drudge Report". culture wars.
Doomers. Progressives. "The Huffington Post". LiLo. Kardashian(s). JLO. Chris Matthews. Rush Limbaugh. Ted Nugent. Rachel Maddow. Glenn Beck. Lady Gaga. Britney Spears. Madonna (and her stinky old minge). wall street. Black Swans. TSA. tasers. HOMELAND SECURITY. PETA. "the shocker". debt. spending. Greece. China. capitalists.
socialist. austerity. KING DOLLAR. the euro. THE FEDERAL RESERVE. Fukushima Daiichi.
THE EMPIRE.
(sigh)
gays. straights. metro-sexuals. transtesticles. terrorists. electric cars. abortion. bible thumpers. obama.. the race card. koran burners. global warming. drones (foreign and domestic). the mayan calendar. designer dogs. pink slime, robo-calls, bath salts, manufactured junk. lawsuits. brain dead consumers, atheists, muslims, jews, christians, hindus. infomercials, dole, plastic surgery. "turbo tax" Timothy Geithner. golden parachutes. unions.
"helicopter" Ben Bernanke. "wide stance" senators. Gen X. Gen Y. facebook. blogs. baby boomers. man bags. tramp stamps. twitter. CROCS. UGGS. white trash. crackers. black trash. gangsters. ebonics (belee dat). purists. blue bloods. illegal aliens (undocumented workers). DOUBLE SPEAK. THE PATRIOT ACT. THE HOUSE. THE SENATE. Ronald (Wilson) Reagan. THE POLITICALLY CORRECT.
Karl (Heinrich) Marx. BIG OIL. BIG PHARMA. high fructose corn syrup. BLACK OPS. yellow dye no. 5. genetically modified crops. opioids. stimulants. sleep aids. anti-anxieties. narcotics. stink bugs. bed bugs. cockroaches. Lyme Disease. the dow jones industrial average. TICKS. CORRUPTION. PROPAGANDA. Warren Buffet. Mel Gibson. George Ure. Julian Assange. tin foil hats. Ryan Seacrest.
GOVERNMENT. HUMANITY(?). misogynists. misandrists. misanthropes. LOBBYISTS.
and
you.
YOU...
I AM OUT OF BREATH!
never before in the history of this planet
has a species (so richly) deserved an extinction
event.
it's de-evolution, baby. -- why not just devolution? Is there a distinction I'm missing?
americans (humans in general) have little intellectual capacity, even less heart, no art. zero stones. -- the parentheses seem to be explaining the term "americans", so that's kind of out of place unless you mean that Americans represent humans in general (and that is of grave concern). You'd be better off using em-dashes.
this place, these people, our leaders are a disgrace...
the whole world is ancient Rome on a slow smolder. -- this analogy really needs to be backed up somehow. If you're alluding to the fire (as represented in popular culture), someone ought to be fiddling. If you're alluding to the downfall of Rome itself, then it didn't happen by fire so the image is misplaced.
"Surely some revelation is at hand;" (Yeats) -- yeah, we get it, you've read stuff -- this becomes less pastiche, more research assignment
we have lost our way, creativity, individualism, intelligence, freedom and sanity. -- so many generalisations -- what was the way?
World War III will be fought over oil, rare earth elements & money (many will die).
trite truisms survive the ages for a reason: -- all truisms are a bit trite -- pick one or the other
War follows depession.
the pen is mightier than the sword.
(good) poetry and politics don't mix.
Gunter Grass, can kiss my lampshade. -- neat link back to the lamp reference in the first part
what the world needs now is a large dose of Harry Crews (RIP), Sitting Bull, Patrick Henry, Sun Tzu,
Charlemagne, Roy Batty, Hadji Murat and Thomas Paine.
the current crop
is less than animal
fertilizer
(dung). -- check your grammar -- dung doesn't actually fertilise animals, does it? So what you really mean is that it's fertiliser produced by animals, which is fairly unpoetic and why bother saying it? Dung will do.
Mussolini hung in the
square of Piazzale Loreto.
bread...
Saddam swung on "youtube"
in Kadhimiya at Camp Justice.
circus...
meaningless phlegm, hacked up, throated and swallowed.
the world spins
on, and on. ad nauseam. -- no comma required
III.
WAKE UP!
I will never cower before any master or bend under any threat. It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself; enjoy the benefits of my creations and to face the world boldly and say, this I have done.
--Dean Alfange, Circa 1952.
kill the governing body and the head will roll. -- well, only if you kill it by decapitation, and on a slope.
turn off the t.v. set
throw away the cell phone
cut the cord on the internet
unplug.
wake up.
pay attention.
don't ask permission.
DISOBEY.
smash a surveillance camera.
stop banking.
stop buying.
default.
credit card/mortgage agreements
are a get fucked clause in fine print.
the moral issue is moot unless morality
exists on both sides of the ledger.
ever meet an honest politician,
CEO or banker?
how about character?
integrity?
walk away.
ABSOLVED!
go in peace.
end fiat currency.
stop fractional reserve banking.
hide silver or gold under your mattress
then dig a huge hole in the backyard and bury
the entire bed.
refuse an airport security pat down.
neuter a bullying soccer mom.
take off the seatbelt.
have a few drinks, fuck it,
drive.
don't declare (all) income to the IRS.
barter.
DISOBEY.
be spartan.
plant a garden.
put on some muck boots and kick some horse shit
(pig shit takes real guts).
hike 10 miles with a full rucksack.
lift heavy things.
break a sweat.
DO PUSH UPS.
eat clean.
meditate.
fast.
read the good book.
hell, read any book.
peel off the the layers of moral
and physical pollution.
DISOBEY.
THINK.
strive to be human.
feed an unemployed neighbor.
pay his/her delinquent electric bill,
any bill except for t.v., phone or internet.
hold the door open for an elderly lady
smile, nod, say, "after you, ma'am".
tune out, turn off, drop in.
save your children from being (serfs) debt slaves.
kiss your dog on the lips (they go too quick).
break away from the herd.
reclaim individualism.
(be different)
while walking the crowded produce aisle,
loudly recite "The Second Coming" by William Butler Yeats
embarrass the wife/husband/kids.
don't apologize.
(history repeats?)
distill some back yard corn liquor.
make music.
rub your legs together like a cricket,
dance.
DISOBEY.
get off meds.
smoke.
do.
be.
rage, hollar, scream. -- holler
aye chihuahua...am I getting thru? -- yes. You advocate disobedience for its own sake. That's just throwing tantrums -- grown ups disobey to make a point in protest, not to be pricks.
(this bullshit isn't new)
American Indians were collectively seduced -- from this point to the end of this section is worth keeping -- what goes before is pretty ordinary and adds nothing
and softened with beads, blankets, trinkets,
sugar and whiskey. once proud, independent
and noble men & women, summarily rounded up
and forced onto the reservation.
what is your poison?
xanax?
a holy host of others?
10 mg. of this.
5 mg. of that.
C'mon.
turn off "Dancing With The Stars".
LIVE, YOU MINDLESS AUTOMATON!
pick up a pen
and slit some throats
like H.L. Mencken
write your first or last poem.
vomit into your mouth, by God,
(don't swallow it)
SPIT.
IV.
OH, MY STARS AND GARTERS!
"There is the moral of all human tales;
Tis but the same rehearsal of the past,
First Freedom, and then Glory — when that fails,
Wealth, vice, corruption, — barbarism at last.
And History, with all her volumes vast,
Hath but one page, — ’tis better written here,
Where gorgeous Tyranny hath thus amass’d
All treasures, all delights, that eye or ear,
Heart, soul could seek, tongue ask — Away with words! draw near"
--Lord Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage, CVIII. (1812)
the box cars are rolling down the track. regardless of race, creed or color, our greed, ignorance and apathy have fattened us for the slaughter. history may not repeat but it often rhymes. depression, war, holocaust or famine. I know not what form W.B. Yeats beast will wrap itself in this time. all I know is the paradigm has shifted. the demon will be fed. -- why beat us over the head by saying "W.B Yeats' beast"? You've already told us what poem you're constantly alluding to, and we've all read it or if we haven't, we're not likely to bother on your say-so. Just "beast" is perfectly sufficient -- give your audience a bit of credit. Though what paradigm shift you're referring to, I cannot say. It seems to me that The Second Coming is just as relevant now as it was then.
the beast is loose.
"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;" (Yeats) -- yes, all right already, we get it!
world war, soup lines
perhaps worse is coming
to our shores. -- "perhaps" is such low modality that it makes this entire statement bland -- "gosh, maybe something bad will happen but maybe I'm wrong, never mind"
(the hour is late)
a hole in the sand
will not offer any protection
for your shallow head now, liebchen.
read Ecclesiastes
3:1-8 -- why not just quote it? You've quoted everything else
better still, pick up a torch
and a pitchfork.
(poke 'em in the ass)
winter
is
here. -- good one, Ned Stark
just out of the range of sight,
a brazen (2) winged beast laughs...
(LOL)
estatic.
destruction.
(OMG)
cue up Ludwig van Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor,
on your Ipad, bitchez.
(funeral dirge)
multiple suns in the sunset,
your highness?
the lowest common denominator has been breached.
(de-evolution)
a requiem for the humanzee?
VI.
hiccup...
You are all a bunch of fucking idiots. Lettin' people tell you what you are going to do. Lettin' people push you around. How long do think it is going to last? How long are you going to let it go on? How long are you going to let them push you around? How long? Maybe you like it. Maybe you like being pushed around. Maybe you love it. Maybe you love your face stuck in the shit. C'mon. You love it, Don't ya? You love it. You are all a bunch of slaves. Letting everybody push you around. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do?
--James Douglas Morrison
chicken cacciatore.
ichabod crane.
jimmy beard.
(bit nonsense 2x)
piss on, piss on
my leg, my leg or
on my head
people never learn.
does this threaten you sensibilities?
place micro-cracks in your walnut shell brains?
(Warren Zevon - "Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner")
think.
disobey.
fuck off.
(kiss my big nuts)
peace?
Edit. Please.
It could be worse