Long Gone

[justcloudy]

hi LB,
I see why you don't want to scrap this idea, it's a good one. but I might suggest scrapping what you have and starting out fresh. sometimes thats just the best to do when we get bogged down, plus, like milo said, the rhyming here just trivializes the topic. L1 is a nice image, but the other lines really feel forced for the rhymes. anyway good luck and i'll look foward to reading a revision.
-cloudy