04-14-2013, 07:16 AM
[quote='Theshindigs' pid='123011' dateline='1365870913']
Melancholy
"Ouch!"
I cried ( might drop this, it doesn't seem to add anything.)
As you walked swiftly by
your silver tongue had cut my side
I took this chance to run and hide-
and hide, and hide, and hide for days
as this wound festers and this pain stays
this cave of melancholy I've come to love
and seclude myself from those above. (okay)
.
More than once I've thought of leaving,
I'd throw this cloak from my shoulders
and wash this blood from my hair ( like this line very much)
but why should I be responsible
when it's life that's unfair? (indeed, blame it on life)
o I lay in my rags
and weep for my pain
I cry out to god
but it all stays the same. (shocking)
I look at myself but can't remember my name
my face is bruised and disfigured
the result of my shame (why is this?)
I've become my own prison
bound by my own chains. (cliché, but yes!)
Hi Shindigs, the title is a bit a of a turn off, too ordinary.
Good protential here, love.
my best, Heart
Melancholy
"Ouch!"
I cried ( might drop this, it doesn't seem to add anything.)
As you walked swiftly by
your silver tongue had cut my side
I took this chance to run and hide-
and hide, and hide, and hide for days
as this wound festers and this pain stays
this cave of melancholy I've come to love
and seclude myself from those above. (okay)
.
More than once I've thought of leaving,
I'd throw this cloak from my shoulders
and wash this blood from my hair ( like this line very much)
but why should I be responsible
when it's life that's unfair? (indeed, blame it on life)
o I lay in my rags
and weep for my pain
I cry out to god
but it all stays the same. (shocking)
I look at myself but can't remember my name
my face is bruised and disfigured
the result of my shame (why is this?)
I've become my own prison
bound by my own chains. (cliché, but yes!)
Hi Shindigs, the title is a bit a of a turn off, too ordinary.
Good protential here, love.
my best, Heart