04-13-2013, 03:47 PM
It's very nice 
I wonder if it would work better if you separated some of those lines into two lines, e.g.
'As the spring is lurking
behind the drapes of unwavering rain
Hesitant to mark the end
Of the shiny white snow's reign'
Also, it's quite probably a matter of personal perspective, but I suspect that there is a better way to describe the snow than 'shiny white' - maybe try looking at each of those words individually and grab a thesaurus.
I don't understand the 'let Maddy's exploration of the badger state begin'. Is this a personal reference?
Lastly, you would normally say 'mud', not 'muds', so this reads a little awkwardly, although I understand that here, it serves to help the rhyme.
I wonder if it would work better if you separated some of those lines into two lines, e.g.
'As the spring is lurking
behind the drapes of unwavering rain
Hesitant to mark the end
Of the shiny white snow's reign'
Also, it's quite probably a matter of personal perspective, but I suspect that there is a better way to describe the snow than 'shiny white' - maybe try looking at each of those words individually and grab a thesaurus.
I don't understand the 'let Maddy's exploration of the badger state begin'. Is this a personal reference?
Lastly, you would normally say 'mud', not 'muds', so this reads a little awkwardly, although I understand that here, it serves to help the rhyme.