Falling Apart

[UnicornRainbowCake]

From the first stanza, you'd think it was about a guy who's girl found another guy and cheated on him. Fair enough, it's good.

Then it changes to HIS lips brushing mine - is this a change of perspective? Is it a typo, did you mean her?

The third stanza then works again with the first, and I'm starting to think you've changed perspectives from him, to her, back to him.

Then back to her - and she's wondering why she lost his love, and I'm a little confused.

I don't think there is any problem with your writing skills, but the meaning is very unclear. I like the concept and the emotion you've put into it however. Perhaps try cutting it down to one perspective again. For me, I think the poem is actually in these two stanzas and it works quite well:

She tells me she's sorry,
That it all happened unknown.
That they tumbled into love,
No fault of their own.


As I sink into myself,
Her heart is wrapped around his,
While I'm a speck in the sky,
Wondering where oblivion is.
She says our friendship will last,
That it will all be the same,
But my heart begins to implode,
I know it will not be as they claim.