the sweetness of dark

[UnicornRainbowCake]

On this creaky dock streams of sweat slide
down my neck, rivulets between my breasts.
The taste of brine when my tongue flicks my lips. I love this first stanza, I think it sets up the rest beautifully. If I was picky I would say the first line is quite a mouthful, but I don't think it's necessarily bad.

Sea slapping mist into my eyes, shimmering shadows
down my face. The soft sound of waves in shells, Excuse me calling 'soft sounds of waves in shells' the kind of description you find in kid's english homework. It doesn't fit in with the rest.
swells of paradise.

Figments of memories scurrying like hermit crabs escaping.
Sea Horses trapped in kelp cry out for help,
choking bubbles Of last breaths. Capitalising Of?

This groaning dock, freedom floating off, beneath that milky
moon, into the sweetness of dark. Perhaps introducing the idea of dark earlier into the poem would have more of an impact with these last two lines.

I love most of the imagery, it really is vivid and true. A poem which brings back memories.