Chiromancy

[Crepuscule]

Hi crep,
a nice edit. To swap fungible terms with milo, there is now a lot more right than wrong...in fact, it has buffed up nicely. I would quite imploringly ask that you drop the 19th century habit of capitalising every line.It was never a good idea and has been pushed to extinction in the last 50 years. It serves no purpose and can be confusing. As you will know, I like meter, rhythm, rhyme and form in poetry...but have to make do with crumbs these days...as here. I am tired of hearing myself say sayi "Please do not think you have written a poem if all you have done is break text into random line-outs"
You have written:
You woke AND smiled AND
I smiled back.

Why and-and? Why the line break? What has it added to the piece?
As there is no attempt at rhyme or meter you are unconstrained:

You woke and smiled;
I smiled back

So yes to the concept, the gestalts, the cameos, perhaps the imagery...but sadly, I cannot get poetry out of it.
Does anyone care? Probably not
Best,
tectak

If it's the lack of meter and rhyme that is the issue for you, then I'm okay with that. I think.

I've got rid of the capitals. I'll try changing the "ands".

Thanks for the comments.