Chiromancy

[Crepuscule]

simple and sweet, but is this an actual newborn or is it a metaphor, because if it were a newborn wouldn't it be Obvious that the newborn wasn't going to say anything?

That's all I've got really, thanks for posting.
Sorry I can't be much more helpful with this, because I'm not exactly sure what your trying to say. You read a child's palm? Is there more to it than that? Am I missing something? It's quite possible, I'm exausted.

I've considered ditching this poem a couple of times. It's maybe too subtle. It's not a child. It's the smile that is new-born.

I'll give a brief synopsis:

The narrator wakes in a not-entirely familiar room.
It's dark. He watches the dawn brighten the room and bring form to shapes including his partner who is still asleep.
He looks at her hand and reads her palm.
He notices that there is recently-healed scar tissue on her wrists.
She wakes and smiles, but he knows that she wasn't smiling recently and doesn't know how to deal with it... so he doesn't.

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Hello Crepuscule. Well written, also it’s always good to pick up a few new terms, though I read your poem side by side with an image from google labeling all the lines…

I woke and lay and watched
The nascent sun seeping,
Diluting the screen of dark:
Forms emerging...
Your arms and your hands.
I read your fortune as you slept.

Not much to add on S1, I like your two sun lines. Woke presupposes laying (unless we’re talking about horses) so perhaps the “and lay” can be nixed (and more than just woke and watched).
"lay" is there to emphasise that that the narrator woke and stayed where he was.

I traced the lines.
Head line, heart line,
Fate and, below the rest,
Concealed by beads and
Woven thread:
Bracelet rascettes, augmented.
Carved from Venus to the Moon.
Epithelialized.
Stretched, still-pink, fading.

I like your descriptions, but it sometimes feels like S2 is just a list of lines. Also, google tells me that bracelets and rascettes are synonyms, maybe only keep the latter.
Rascettes are the creased lines on your wrists. I added bracelets to hint at what I was talking about for those who are unfamiliar with the terminology... maybe not necessary?

You woke and smiled and
I smiled back.
But I knew your smile was newborn,
Vulnerable. Exposed.
I held you and said nothing.

I’d like to know more between the palm reading part and the hug. What did the narrator find (for example)? You just say the narrator is vulnerable without anything else…

The smile is vulnerable, not the narrator

Think that's all for now. Good idea for a poem, and edit does look better than the original

Gary

Thank you.

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Hi Crepuscule,

Let me start by applauding you on your effort, and the overall picture that your poem portrays of having given birth and continually doting on your newborn child.

That's not really what I was after, there's no children in this poem! please see the synopsis above.

For me personally, I tend to steer away from poetry that includes the over-use of pompous wording as I find it detracts from the reading experience if one has to reach for a dictionary every few paragraphs. This piece isn't too bad aside from a few instances, including the heading unfortunately.
It might pay to remember that just because you know what something means doesn't necessarily mean that everyone else does; also that the use of astronomical words doesn't automatically make a poem, a poem.

Punctuation needs refinement also.

Edit 1.5

Chiromancy

A simpler, albeit catchy title may appeal to your audience better.
I'll think about that one... I agree, it's probably too obscure


I woke and lay and watched
The nascent sun seeping,
Diluting the screen of dark:
Forms emerging...
Your arms and your hands.
I read your fortune as you slept.

Colon use is wrong as it isn't referring to explanation, expansion, enumeration, or elaboration.
Ellipses use is also wrong, for a pause effect-- try using a double dash.
I'm sure there would also be lots of other forms emerging: in line 1 you say you woke & watched, maybe you could specify that you were watching "someone" in particular.
The colon is supposed to be for expansion in this case.
There are other forms emerging, but the narrator isn't looking at the wardrobe.

I traced the lines.
Head line, heart line,
Fate and, below the rest,
Concealed by beads and
Woven thread:
Bracelet rascettes, augmented.
Carved from Venus to the Moon.
Epithelialized.
Stretched, still-pink, fading.

Colon use incorrect.
Had to look up the word "Epithelialized" to be honest and I can't see how it fits at all as it refers to membranous cellular tissue concerning animals or plants. I know technically humans are animals, but I'd bet there's a better word choice out there. Unfortunately I don't understand the reference to Venus and the Moon?
Epithelialized = healed tissue. A specific point of scar formation. Mound of Venus = the lowest part of the palm on the thumb side. Mound of the Moon = the lowest part of the palm on the other side. Carved from Venus to the Moon = self-harm, cut wrists.
The confusing part to me here is whether or not the child is actually newborn as in the first stanza you imply that you're laying and watching as the child slept, therefore how can it still be covered in epithelium?
"Still-pink" — Why is this hyphenated?
Is it the "newborn" bit in the next stanza that gives the impression that I'm talking about a child?

You woke and smiled and
I smiled back.
But I knew your smile was newborn,
Vulnerable. Exposed.
I held you and said nothing.

I like this stanza

Thanks for the comments... I'll tackle the grammar later.