04-09-2013, 06:59 AM
Hi,
I like that you can really feel the aching in the poem. The description of it was pretty clear, and relatable.
The first stanza, to me, works really well, and is a good way to start off the poem.
It seems to me, that a small change with second stanza is needed, as already mentioned by neena.
And this is only my personal opinion, you don't have to use it or anything, but the last line, to me, could benefit with a "My" as the first word.
Minor details, 'cause I really enjoyed reading it
I like that you can really feel the aching in the poem. The description of it was pretty clear, and relatable.
The first stanza, to me, works really well, and is a good way to start off the poem.
It seems to me, that a small change with second stanza is needed, as already mentioned by neena.
And this is only my personal opinion, you don't have to use it or anything, but the last line, to me, could benefit with a "My" as the first word.
Minor details, 'cause I really enjoyed reading it