04-08-2013, 05:53 PM
Firstly, this is a very long poem. It could do well with some trimming (especially in the less vital lines).
The last six lines don't have the impact I think you were trying to get across. There is too much between the first lines and the last lines - the idea that you're not in love has been well and truly lost at this point.
A lot of your lines are beautiful and very poetic yet understandable, but re-read this yourself, and think about the point you're trying to get across with this. Use the idea to its full potential
The last six lines don't have the impact I think you were trying to get across. There is too much between the first lines and the last lines - the idea that you're not in love has been well and truly lost at this point.
A lot of your lines are beautiful and very poetic yet understandable, but re-read this yourself, and think about the point you're trying to get across with this. Use the idea to its full potential
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)