04-08-2013, 03:14 AM
You could cut out some of the rhymes that don't serve much purpose. But then again, if this is for a girl, she might like it. Lots of girls are happy to get with poems like this, I've seen it many times before. It's better than them smiling awkwardly after they read it, because they don't know what anything means.
But still, rhyme patterns like:
I call this my life
i've traveled this path
as you see it is not rife
and i have felt some wrath
are too simplistic, and break the spell that rhymes hold for a poem.
But still, rhyme patterns like:
I call this my life
i've traveled this path
as you see it is not rife
and i have felt some wrath
are too simplistic, and break the spell that rhymes hold for a poem.