04-05-2013, 06:09 PM
"
To touch the clouds of darkness
A hand must be subdued from fear
A mind taught to feel heartless
That no love may come too near
"
What are you trying to say here? I can't tell.
Think hard about the images you are trying to create in the reader's mind. You have to give enough information. Try reconstructing what you want the poem to be about from only those lines. What is the *poem* actually saying? It needs to evoke a clear and consistent message to be powerful.
To touch the clouds of darkness
A hand must be subdued from fear
A mind taught to feel heartless
That no love may come too near
"
What are you trying to say here? I can't tell.
Think hard about the images you are trying to create in the reader's mind. You have to give enough information. Try reconstructing what you want the poem to be about from only those lines. What is the *poem* actually saying? It needs to evoke a clear and consistent message to be powerful.