04-02-2013, 06:59 AM
There are a few things I would edit (writing them down before I forget after thinking about it more!):
I don't think the third stanza really adds anything, and some of the rhymes seem forced. Omitting that whole bit makes it flow better in my opinion.
I'd also cut out As from 'soft lips blessed my neck', and add and to 'alarm bells rang'.
I love this though:
My heart wrote the cheque
My life could not cash
It's good though, very heartfelt.
I don't think the third stanza really adds anything, and some of the rhymes seem forced. Omitting that whole bit makes it flow better in my opinion.
I'd also cut out As from 'soft lips blessed my neck', and add and to 'alarm bells rang'.
I love this though:
My heart wrote the cheque
My life could not cash
It's good though, very heartfelt.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)