Echo

[allykat727]

I really loved this poem so took to google to read something by Steven Jesse Bernstein - what a great assignment to be set! I think the poem itself is really strong, clear in it's meaning and altogether a really sound piece.

I'm no expert in poetry and certainly no expert in Bernstein as I've just read a few poems, so I'm speaking from that - I think that it is very much in similar to his work, but I think this would make it more in the style of it:

- Although the poem concerns the speaker, I think it could have more depth if you included the feelings, as well as his/her actions. Such as in 'More Noise, Please!' -

I put sponge stoppers
in my ears,
but I can't stand those things
for more than a few minutes.

I really agree with Milo and Serge on the third stanza being the strongest. It's absolutely beautiful. As a poem, I wouldn't change it, as in the style of Bernstein, I'd add in a few little opinions and inner thoughts here and there.

Hey there, thanks so much for the thoughtful response. I see what you are saying about including feelings/actions and will take that into account when editing The feeling of smallness in the universe is one that is can be quite strong, so adding some more feeling to the piece could definitely enhance it. Anyway, the pieces we read by Bernstein were "More Noise, Please" (which I see you've read), "Murdered in the Middle of the Dance" and "The Man Upstairs". I suggest giving the other two a read. They were really engaging. Thanks again for the input!

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I have never heard of this writer, so I won't be of much help in that respect, but I feel this is a very strong piece. I felt the words you used where strong and very descriptive and they created a vivid image of the poem in my mind. I have to respectfully disagree, and say that I don't feel the third stanza was strongest. For me, the strongest part of the poem was

"
The sun went down
below the horizon,

and I stopped and stared
at the stars in the sky
and widened my eyes
at the darkened abyss,
infinite... "

There is just something with these words that creates the most vivid image in my mind when I read this poem. This also the portion of the poem that speaks to me most. It penetrated something deep inside of me and I could really feel it. There is just something very deep in these lines that really strengthens the poem.

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and hope you do well on this assignment for your Creative Writing class. I found this to be thought provoking and creative, hopefully your instructor will feel likewise.

Cheers!
Soaring Eagle

Hello Soaring Eagle. It is always fun to hear an opinion of a poem that differs from other responses. I'm very flattered that the second stanza of my piece spoke to you. Being able to reach and relate with others is a strong part of what poetry is about for me. Thank you very much!