Untitled haiku

[milo]

This is my first attempt, so please bear with me :p


Decrepit woman,
Lifting sacks of the ample,
Cold is her splendor.

generally avoid any modification if you can. These depends on absolute perfect word choice so if you can distill, you do.

crone
lifts sacks
cold splendor

not a bad attempt though

milo

now that I think of it:

crone
lifts sacks
august

this is better as crone is a seasonal reference to fall and august already means splendor.