Chrysanthemums

[billy]

hi cake
if you put your edit above the original we can compare them to see if the edit succeeds.

in this case it does. i like what you did to the end of the poem, though i'd like to think it could be a bit more of a question than ipso facto.
will you present her
or
what will you present her with
roses?
the major cut hasn't done any harm at all to the poem, now it's more direct. i'm also glad you cut the

Her petals would not fade.
She is the symbol of eternal love,
not young lust.
often knowing too much weakens such poems
all in all a solid edit

You once presented me
with a bouquet of chrysanthemums.

I had been angered by your decision
to pick such a cheap and common flower -
though pleasant at first,
they lost their petals quickly,
the young buds surrounded
by a tight net of waxy leaves -
like a shield
from the rich and honest soil
that had once settled underneath.

I had decided, that evening, to leave you.

Little had I known that her thorns
tangled and twisted amongst our shared vines,
snagged and snarled into our bonds.

You'll soon present her
with a bouquet of roses.